Web Date

When I say web date, I’m not referring to online dating. I’m referring to a specific type of Dater who traps you in their web, like a spider’s bait, until they’re finished with you (or more likely, you’ve been eaten alive). Have you been out with those web dater types?

I have one who comes to mind immediately. She has fake boobs, a botox face, a charming smile and an entertainer’s house. And you’ll have a lot of trouble getting out. She starts out as a friend, fawning over you with generosity and attention. You get invited to all the parties. Beware – the attention is only when it serves her. If you’re a morning running partner or a guest who counts towards attendance at her party then, fabulous!, you matter! Her need for control, however, is insatiable. If you have personal, relationship or work troubles, or don’t serve toward her guest count, she’ll be the first to savagely turn on you.

After our years of friendship, she was leaping at the opportunity to invite my former spouse over for her bbq a week after he renounced our family. What wonderful support for me and my kids! A person to count on through thick and thin…not. So it is with these web dates. When you’re no longer attractive bait, you are discarded like a dead, half-eaten fly.

On my father’s 90^th birthday, she decided it was more important to take my kids out on her speedboat. Now, that’s true family values! According to her, it was a great day for a date. She beamed at them and announced, “Oh my, how you’ve grown! A tasty meal you’ll make!” Never mind she’s against procreation in the first place (the result, not the act). Their grandfather celebrated his day without them.

My decimarian daughter stated her thoughts to me so eloquently, as she often does in her sage, insightful yet offhand way. “J9 is just a party girl. She doesn’t really care about people or their feelings. And she doesn’t care at all about being a good person. We know that. Luckily we don’t see her that much, and none of us like her.” Well said. An important reminder from a perceptive young child of where web daters rank, in life importance and kindness.

Good to start young in weeding out the web daters. Save the years of heartache and don’t fall into the spin. Or if you do, enjoy the speedboat, bring your insecticide, and aim for the eyes.

Caught ya!