Date Stacking

At the beginning, setting up a date is nearly as important as the date itself. First impressions are lasting impressions. That’s why I was so excited to meet this date after our exhilarating text conversation.

Him: Hi. I’m a friend of your Agent. Would like to possibly get to know you despite what your Agent says about you. Just kidding. He says great things about you.

Me: Funny. Ditto…despite what he says about you :)

Him: Classic. When you can please tell me the qualities you like in men so I can mimic them 100 percent the first time we meet.

Excellent strategy! He proceeds to introduce himself as Lenny Dykstra.

Him: After I am released and receive the list of qualities, would like to buy you lunch, meet you for happy hour, have you detail my car.

Me: I am detail-oriented so the car thing could work…

His initial texts were funny and intriguing. Although I am a very confident and self-sufficient person, I decided to accept my friend Fiery Fiona’s invitation to act as my date chaperone, since I had provided the same service to her. Lenny was cool with that. After all, what guy refuses 2 on 1 blondes? Especially, I emphasize, non-highlighted blondes, which are a very rare if not extinct species in Southern California. Highlights abound, along with boob jobs, Botox and Hummers.

To balance the stack, Fiery Fiona and I invited Agent. Stacking Fiery Fiona and Agent on this date was comforting, even if unnecessary. After all, I think Lenny and I proved through text that we could hold our own in a conversation.

Lenny tended to talk very freely about everyone’s ex-spouses. Not a problem; spoiled relationships is one of my very favorite topics! We can analyze our downfalls endlessly.

He also described watching the TV series, The First 48, with his kids, which features many divorcees who end up killing their spouses out of frustration. Luckily he had not yet seen the episode featuring me, so we were able to continue on without incident.

The potential for more stacking arose when, on the drive home, both North Sea and Firefighter contacted me. North Sea actually invited me to meet him out, and when we missed each other by mere seconds at the designated spot…he even called to invite me over to hang out in PJs. Uh-oh. No phone calls. Absolutely no phone calls! That’s where he failed. Despite my ravishing voice, I don’t do phone calls, remember? Since Firefighter called at the exact same time, he was booted to voicemail, and not by me.

My only disappointment in the evening was that at 42, I no longer have the stamina to stack endlessly like this. If I weren’t getting up for hot yoga at 6 am and facing a full day of work, legal battling and kid-sitting, then maybe I could have stacked into the wee hours of the morning. But I will leave that to a time that once was.